Pick Up Artist Kombat

You know who annoys me…people who read those ridiculous books that “teach” you how to score some poon. You know the types that read them. Since that damn show on VH1, everyone seems to know someone who applies the techniques of the immortal Mystery.


You know why I hate these creeps…they ruin it for nice guys. They make all guys seem like complete morons centered on one thing: bedding a lassie. Here is a basic list of Mystery's tips, referred to as “The Mystery Method“.

Step 1) Prep work: Dress how you want to be perceived. If you want to feel like a big shot banker, dress like Gordon Gekko. If you want to be a rock star, dress like Tommy Lee. If you want to be a douche, dress like Mystery. I think this is referred to as “Peacocking”. The key is to dress as obnoxious as possible.

Step 2) Scout venues: Go to a place where you know there will be plenty of tail. Strength in numbers. The key is to be in the right environment to “get your game on/head right”. Basically, stick to places that don't stage poetry readings.

Step 3) Working the room: When approaching a girl, start with a clever one liner or topic she may find interesting...maybe a joke or observation. Also, make sure you show “high value” and “popularity“. Talk about work, education, hobbies, your three ten inch peen. If you aren’t very interesting, learn to bullshit. After this “non-threatening fun communication”, you “build attraction”.

Step 4) Initiate contact/go for kill. Play with the girl’s hair, rub her arms, etc. Eventually, tell her you want to kiss her. Take girl home. Sex her silly.


Seriously, does it make any sense to take tips on how to score from a guy that looks like this? I feel the need to go off on his followers because they ruin it for me and my fellow privateers. These aren’t tips to get you laid…these are tips to make you a massive asshole. If you are desperate enough buy Mystery's book, you probably are socially inept.

Argh…sorry, that was the Sneha K in me talking. It may come off as bitter, but I truly wonder if girls come across losers that use Pick-Up Artist techniques. Or better yet, what girls fall for this mumbo? Seriously though, any guy that resorts to these tactics should be euthanized on the spot Eight Belles style. Too soon? My bad.

Anyways, the moral of the story is if the ladies knew not all guys use some "method" to meet women, I might just have a shot at consensual sex. Until then, I’ll have to stick to slipping mickeys. Yardeed.

Take A Bow Madonna

Don’t get me wrong, I used to like Madonna. She is one of my all-time favorite 80’s artists. There is no denying that back in the day, she was hot. I mean, what self respecting guy didn’t wear sexy lace gloves and “Boy Toy” belts?
That being said, I wish she quit when she was ahead. Time has only made me realize how much of a hypocrite she was and still is. Now, whenever I hear her name, I get annoyed. It always seems like she is trying to hawk something, whether it is Kabbalah or shampoo. I mean, seriously, how much money is enough? I guess I get annoyed because I have gotten in several heated debates with women who feel Madonna is a great role model. Honestly, if my kid ever looked up to her, I would consider myself a failure as a parent.

Yargh, it is because of these annoying debates I wanted needed to make a list of reasons why I hate Madonna. This list will serve a great reference for friends that choose to go against me in this debate.

So without further adieu, my ten reasons why Maddona sucks:

1) She moved to England and was bitching about how Americans are all materialistic. Didn’t she have a song called “Material Girl”? To make matters worse, she did her bitching in a British accent. She is from freakin Detroit.

2) She doesn’t let her kids watch tv because it is a bad influence. If it weren’t for television, she would never be where she is. She was in the right place, at the right time. Anyways, getting back to her kids and tv, it is probably because she doesn’t want them to end up like Britney or Christina, acting all whorish and such. She may also be freaked they will turn on VH-1 and see footage of this (NSFW).

3) She probably set back the gay movement with all her fake lesbo stuff just to get attention (ie: shock value = attention = money).4) She has authored (or co-authored) at least 10 books. Her topics range from her “Sex” book to a series of children’s books. Anyone that writes books for the sake of it, and it isn’t their main career, is annoying in my book. Besides, reading books is an overrated experience. Thats why we have televisions and the internets.

5) Kabbalah is a cult.

6) She should have quit while she was ahead. Her last good album may have been “Bedtime Stories“.

7) “Swept Away” was awful.

8) She was recently inducted into the Rock Hall of Fame. I guess she deserves to be in it, but there are a bunch of worthy acts that at this point, probably didn’t deserve to be lapped. That is another blog post.

9) She did a duet with Justin Timberlake (4 Minutes). JT is a douche. The song sucks too.

10) She supports Hillary. Need I say more.

The more I think about, I probably only needed 3 or 4 reasons to prove why Madonna is annoying. She essentially exploited her sexuality to get where she is in life. Once record producers saw women could use t+a to sell records, regardless of talent, the game changed. I am sure MTV didn’t help matters too. Long story short, she set the women’s movement back at least 20 years.

A Caricature of Yarself

I was sorta bored today, so I wanted to give ya'll a special treat...and by treat, I mean a self portrait. I spent alot of time on it (20 min with MS Paint). Beat that Gustav Klimt. I added a corncob pipe to coordinate with my profile pic. I didn't add a captain's hat because my hair is too pretty to cover. I also happen to be sporting big hair right now.

I actually got the idea to create this image from a Neil Jam painting of Barack and Hillary. His work has a haunting quality to it. It is obviously the eyes. Anyways, my inspiration is below.

The Zen of Elevators

I hate elevators. Well, I wouldn’t say I hate them, so much as I hate riding them with strangers. If I had to guess, I take 8-10 elevator rides a day, and about half of them are with strangers. For some reason, I instinctually hold my breath when riding with strangers. I don’t exhale until I get out of the cart. It is a weird phenomenon because I can be in an elevator with friends, and be perfectly fine. The problem only exists with strangers. I guess it is selective claustrophobia.




The only thing worse than riding elevators with strangers is riding them with strangers who like to talk. Actually, I think desperate to talk may be a better choice of words. In my condo, we have mirrored doors, so I can look at others I am riding with. Looking at the mirrors, I can tell by their faces if they wanna say something, like talk about the weather, or talk about some new meaningless building repair.

The most I do to acknowledge others is head nod.

Long story short, if possible, I try to take the stairs.

The video above is of a guy who was stuck in an elevator for about 41 hours. The only thing I thought when I saw this video was that it could have been worse...he could have been stuck with a stranger.

Anyways, below is a tip for anyone who wants their elevator trips to be a little quicker (assuming the cart doesn‘t stall). It is very easy to activate the emergency override in elevators. I do this whenever possible, but only when I am alone or with friends. No worries, no bells and whistles will go off by doing this.

***When you are in the elevator, as soon as the doors shut, press and hold down the “door close” button and the floor you want to go to at the same time. Hold them down for roughly 5 seconds. The elevator will go directly to your floor, skipping all the ones in between. The elevator will also go a little faster, so don‘t be surprised if your ears pop.***

You’re welcome.

A New Hotshot Blog On The Scene...

...check this site out:

The Festivus Prole

Give them some comments/feedback, I want to see the blog continue. It has potential.

The 10 Gayest Songs On My Ipod…

…not that there is anything wrong with them.

I got a new Ipod for Christmas, but never got around to transferring my music to it. Anyways, I figured with summer around the corner, it was time to make the switch from my old player.

With the transfer, it was a great time to take inventory of what music I wanted keep, and what I wanted to purge. The device has plenty of space to keep all my music (good and bad), but I am one of those people that gets embarrassed when friends wanna check out my collection. This is probably because I tend to act all high and mighty about my taste in music, but from the looks of my collection (some of it anyways), I could be called a massive hypocrite. As far as I know, there is no way to create ghost folders in Ipods.

Getting to the theme of this post, here is a list of the 10 fruitiest songs I will probably still transfer to my new Ipod. I "YouTube" linked all the songs music videos too. The videos only reinforce my point of view.

Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

ABBA - Thank You For the Music

Elton John and Kiki Dee - Don’t Go Breaking My Heart

Erasure - Chains of Love

Mika - Love Today

Taco - Putting on the Ritz

Sheena Easton - 9 to 5 (Morning Train)

Scissor Sisters - I Don’t Feel like Dancing

Olivia Newton-John and ELO - Xanadu

Kylie Minogue - Outta My Head

P.S. - Off topic, while the picture may seem like a joke, I actually like Siegfried and Roy. When I was a little kid, I was fortunate enough to meet them when checking out their tiger habitat at the Mirage hotel in Vegas. They were very nice to all the tourists they surprised. The duo posed for many a pictures. I am sure they would appreciate my list.

Chai Instructional Video

You're welcome.

This is the first flick I made completely on my own, so don't overly criticize it. In all, it took me two hours to make this instructional video. All things considered, it was fairly simple to make, just more tedious than I thought. By the end of it, I gained a new found respect for people who constantly make movies for YouTube.

That being said, I need to make a better version of this. I need to improve the resolution, lighting, direction, soundtrack...basically it needs better production.

I should add, for Step Five, I probably should have shown the process of microwaving the milk/water combo, but I wasn't all into dragging my laptop to the kitchen. Just remember to add the tea AFTER boiling the liquids.

UPDATE (1 pm 4/3): I probably should have included the recipe in the post because the video subtitles go somewhat fast. Also, I am sure many of you (3-5 people?) were distracted by my dainty fingers in action.

EASY CHAI RECIPE

TOOLS NEEDED
Bodum Milk Frother

INGREDIENTS
~ 1/3 cup of water
~ 1/3 cup of milk (experiment with fat content)
1 tsp of sugar
1 tsp of tea (Taj Majal, Red Label, etc)
2-3 cardamon pods (cracked)

INSTRUCTIONS
1) Remove top of frother and fill cylinder with milk, water, cardamon, and sugar. Should not go beyond printed line on cylinder.

2) Microwave cylinder until it bubbles up (~1:30-1:40 min). Make sure you view this process because microwave power varies from one machine to next.

3) Add tea, then attach top to cylinder. Make sure the vented end of the top isn't lined up with lip of cylinder. Then shake the device. Wait 5 min for tea to seep.

4) Give the device one more quick shake, then pump it until the liquid doubles in size.

5) Immediately after pumping, pull pump top up slightly, and pour into cup. As you do this, slowly push down on top to force rest of tea out of cylinder. Make sure vented end of top is lined up with lip of cylinder.

6) Optional: dash with nutmeg, all spice, or cinnamon.